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Breastfeeding: dealing with criticism
It is really strange that
you can be subjected to so much criticism when you do what's best for you and
for your child. But it happens, and it's a good idea to start thinking about how
you'll handle it.
There are several approaches that you can take. Which one you choose will
depend on your personality, your status, the other person's personality and
status, your relationship with the other person, and whether or not you have a
mate, relatives, or friends who support you.
- Confront. In some cases, you might just ask
the person who is criticizing you that you know what's best for you, and you
don't need that person's advice.
- Educate. If you are in an ongoing relationship
with the other person, you might want to educate them about the benefits of
breastfeeding.
- Be careful! If you overdo it, they'll just
think that you're crazy. You don't want that. You want them to understand
that breastfeeding exclusively, on cue, and until your child is ready to
wean is the best.
- You can contact
La Leche League or
INFACT for some materials that you can share with the other person,
- or you can refer them to my web page.
- Ignore. This works with some people. You just
change the topic when they start criticizing you, and continue nursing your
baby. They might get the clue that you don't want any advice. With some
people, it might work to thank them for their concern, but to assure them that
you are doing what you believe to be best for your baby (it is your
baby, after all).
- Avoid. Sometimes, the only way to deal with
criticism is to avoid it.
- When you have certain visitors, you might
resort to breastfeeding in another room.
- If you are visiting their house, you can say
that your baby needs to sleep, go to a quiet room, nurse, and come back,
saying that your baby decided not to sleep after all.
- With some practice, you may even be able to
nurse in public so discreetly that most people will think you are just
cuddling your baby (believe me; it happened to us).
- You might consider limiting the time you
spend with some people to avoid their criticism of your breastfeeding. If
they complain, you can tell them that you feel uncomfortable with them
because they don't support your breastfeeding relationship.
Here are some types of criticism you may anticipate
getting:
- Your baby is not getting enough milk. You're
starving your baby.
- This is a ubiquitous worry. Don't let it get
to you. (most likely you have nothing to worry about it anyway).
- Many people say this whenever a baby is
fussy. It's usual for babies to have fussy periods at certain times of the
day. Don't blame yourself.
- Your baby may be going through a growth
spurt. Calmly explain what growth spurts are and tell them that you know how
to handle it.
- You are feeding your baby too often. She or he
will be spoiled/will become a tyrant/will grow too dependent on you.
- Young babies don't know how to manipulate
people. They cry when they need something.
- Babies need to have their needs satisfied in
order to grow independent. Starving someone will not make them independent.
It'll make them underfed and neurotic.
- "She (or he) couldn't possibly be hungry".
(You often hear this if your baby wants to nurse again soon after finishing).
- Perhaps so, but hunger isn't the only reason
to nurse. Maybe your baby just needs comfort. Your breast is a much more
effective and much healthier comforter than a pacifier.
- She or he could be hungry. Maybe your
baby didn't nurse too much last time.
- She or he could be going through a growth
spurt. She or he then needs to suckle often to give your breasts the
message that more milk needs to be made.
- Never listen to this criticism! It's the
first step towards losing your milk supply.
- Your baby is too old to nurse. There are many
variations on this: "a baby who can walk shouldn't be nursing", "if she (or
he) can ask for it, she (or he) is too old for it", etc.
- Breastmilk continues to be an excellent food
for as long as your baby wants to nurse.
- Breastmilk continues to provide health
benefits as long as your baby nurses.
- Breastfeeding continues providing
psychological benefits for many years. A toddler's life is very demanding
and frustrating. They have to learn many things, and accept that they are
unable to or not allowed to do so many things. The safety and constancy of
their mother's breast makes them much better able to cope with their busy
life. See the page on the psychological benefits of breastfeeding for more
on this.
- See also:
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